Scooter The Scalawag

scal·a·wag

ˈskaləˌwaɡ/

noun

informal

1. a person who behaves badly but in an amusingly mischievous rather than harmful way; a rascal.

   synonyms:

   rascal, scamp, monkey, imp, devil, rogue;

Dear Readers,

While perusing Facebook this morning, a familiar face appeared on the right side of my screen under "Friends You May Know".  He was, indeed, very familiar since his story is one that I will never forget.

It wasn't his appearance that led me to communicating with him on an online dating site a year or two ago, it was that he stated on his profile that he was a former Army officer and a physician.  Sounds too good to be true, right?  Right.

After several emails, he talked about driving up from Baton Rouge to meet me but he had one condition before he committed...  I had to send him a picture of my boobs to prove that I was serious in pursuing a relationship.  What, you say?!  Yes, a PICTURE OF MY BOOBS.  I was so stunned that I sat there in front of my laptop in shock wondering how to respond - nasty, nicely or truthfully?  I decided to play his game and asked him why in the world he would ask that of any woman, much less a Southern girl that was raised with high standards and a belief system that stopped me from even considering such an outlandish proposal.

His answer?  When he was an Army officer, his men that served under him stated they would die for him, his family was devoted to him, blah blah blah.  He would only drive 2 hours to see a woman that PROVED she was devoted to him and wanted a long lasting relationship.  After taking a deep breath and counting to 100, I told him in no uncertain terms that he had rocks for brains and was probably a certified pervert or a sex addict.  Oh, and don't write me back, I would no longer respond.  That didn't go over too well and I damaged his very frail ego.    He wrote me a scathing last email, letting me know what he thought of me and my "precious boobs".

I thought I had the last laugh until his profile popped up on my FB page with his name this morning.  I laughed out loud so hard when I saw his name that I scared the cat and made him jump.  Sorry, cat.  The doc's name?  Wait for it... SCOOTER!  Oh honey, bless your little heart.  I suggest you change your name before demanding women kowtow to your special needs.  It's really hard to take you seriously with that moniker.

P.S.  Apologies to anyone whose name is Scooter.  If you are considering signing up for a dating site, change your name to something more serious or manly.  Oh, and don't EVER ask for a picture of a woman's boobs... your profile picture is liable to go on all the social networks and could go viral.  But no worries, here.  I would never share your picture, I'm a nice Southern girl, after all.